I came to a new world of people. I didn't choose to come. I just came, and people welcomed me.
I did not speak the people's language.
After a while, I picked the language up and learned to speak.
But I could only speak when the people in charge told me that I was allowed, which really meant whether they liked what I said or not, and for no other reason than that.
I soon learned that I did not have freedom of speech.
If my leaders told me to be quiet, and I did not listen, I was yelled at, physically hurt, or socially isolated for a time.
But I did not dare slap back, yell back, or even question my leader's decisions and judgments.
My leaders had strong feelings which they were allowed to express.
I dared not express mine too freely, or I might get yelled at or hit.
My leaders could be angry. I was told I could not be.
My leaders could be disappointed. I was told that I better be grateful that they allowed me to even come to this world at all. I had no right to disappointment.
I was granted food and drink and clothing and shelter, though I was not capable of working for it.
For this I was expected to be eternally grateful, though I had not chosen to be with these people.
I was given many items that I was told were for my enjoyment, and that I was expected to keep in order.
My leaders often handed them to me so they would not have to deal with me.
They attempted to buy my silence as they were far too busy to be bothered with my thoughts, feelings, and creativity.
My leaders told me that I didn't have the capability to know what was best.
They told me not to question their decisions, and they didn't explain why they made them.
I was clumsy and untrained but I tried to help.
I was yelled at, though I had tried so hard.
When the people in this land acted negatively, the label that was used for my people group was used derogatorily to describe their behavior.
Respect was not something I was given. It was expected that I could only earn it with time and with my actions.
My leaders demanded respect from me and my people regardless of anything they said or did. They didn't have to earn it.
I was expected to learn from my leaders.
My leaders were given credit for my commendable actions.
My leaders saw me as a reflection of them. My individuality was sacrificed for the sake of my leaders' egos.
I was new to this world, but I was expected to react to those in it with the most self-control of all. My leaders only acted that way with their peers. They felt no obligation toward me in this regard.
I was to endure all without question.
And told to be grateful. Always grateful.
"Because", I was told, "Your life will not always be so free. Someday you will be a slave like us with obligations when you have served your time as a "carefree" person."
But am I not already psychologically a slave? It is normal for my people to be psychologically enslaved, and threatened with a slap.
I am a child of the average, unenlightened parent.
Of all peoples in my land, I am the most oppressed.
I am a slave of the enslaved.
My blog reflects learning and growth through life as it comes, in a way that is both serious and quirky. Sometimes I have a lot to say, sometimes I don't.
“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.” ― RenĂ© Karl Wilhelm Johann Josef Maria Rilke
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