Feelings Of The Before
By Jessica Cruz
Oh to rise above and
burst as a firework.
To escape the
wrecking ball and chains.
To destroy the
repetition of this Earth.
To know the moon does
more than wax and wane.
I'd like to make science by breaking it.
I'd like to use chaos to explain mathematics.
Not the other way around.
I know the world is scared.
To understand the system, you have to understand fear.
The fear of time. Of an end.
I desire to be surprised
without responsibility or blame.
To embrace every
change without damnation by fault.
To be carefree.
To set my free-will
at ease.
To know no “wrong”
decisions.
To know all I want won’t
be forced to a halt.
Timelessness and freedom
are total synonyms to me.
I’d do anything to
get there, right now, this instant.
Within time, it is
never okay just to be.
But without time
there’d be no early, no waiting!
Without time there’d
be no late…
and no waiting!
What bliss!
Time invented the
words strategy and can’t.
And those are just so
utterly important for time!
Screw time!
“Come down to earth.
Get a grip and be practical.”
These words are a nag
from the world to my soul.
“Get your head in the
game. Be rational. Be a robot.”
No excuses.
Be consistent in
pleasure and consistent in torment.
Inconsistency will keep
me from reaching the goal.
Feel naught but the rhythm
of the world as it goes.
Why question being manipulated
within a jail cell, right?
Accept as time flies
and leaves me hanging without it.
Be a disciplined work
horse, obedient, but strong.
Let me out. Let me OUT!
The barn is hell and I'm burning!
Possibilities are
endless and it’s freeing to know.
Choice is the
constriction that snuffs out enthusiasm.
This road.
Or that.
Not all.
I’m forced to choose.
Do I choose to grow?
Growth requires roots.
So they say. I don’t need them.
If I’m designed to
build roots, must they be in dirt?
Oh, to be a powerful root.
A flash.
A bolt of lighting.
Inherently striking.
An eye-catching
flirt.
The changing roots of
an ever-changing cloud.
Somewhat empowering.
Somewhat humbling.
Totally inspiring.
Break me of my bonds
like the genie in the lamp.
Must I use my gifts
to please the rest as God supposedly intended?
They tell me why I’m
valued as my eyes remain damp.
Exploited and used
for purposes I’d rather ended.
Unpleasable without
the implausible.
Give me impossible.
Give me deep, and
give me shallow.
Give me light, give
me dark.
Give me now, give me
then.
No matter how unfeasible.
Give me here and give
me there, all at once with no restraints.
Give me silence, give
me noise.
Crowd around me and
let me be.
To eat with no need
of it. To not eat and live.
To sleep forever and never slumber.
To fly without
landing would be just as wrong as gravity.
Reverse gravity. Tame it.
Send me to the stars and back.
Let the one
consistency I know be that there is no consistency.
Let the one
consistency I know be that there is no consequence.
Please. Right now.
Before time wins.
