The fact that I'm about to state seems rather like common sense, but apparently, people feel that it's just a "grey area". But I'll say it: we are just as human and deserve the same rights and respect when we have sex as when we don't.
In any other setting but sexual, if someone asked to be punched for their own pleasure, bound, or slapped, or spit on, or choked, we would assume that that person "needs help", that they need to see a therapist. We'd think it was sad and "messed up", wouldn't we? Because it's a self-destructive behavior. People seek out this role of victim in sexual relationships as well. To seek to be dominated and seek out self-destructive behaviors and relationships is called Masochistic Personality Disorder, and it's often the result of severe abuse in childhood.
My thought when I try to imagine a scenario in which someone asked someone else to hurt them on purpose in a non-sexual way, is that maybe the person thought they deserved it. Why else would they ask? Regardless of why they asked, you'd still be questioning their request, wouldn't you? It's absurd for a person to ASK to be hurt. It feels wrong, because it's self-destructive.
So why is it an ever-increasing attitude that violent behavior in sexual relationships is "normal" and "healthy" behavior? Are we not human in a sexual relationship? We have established that there are certain healthy behaviors for people and ways that people should be treated as human beings. We have established that slavery is wrong. We have established that domination over another in a demeaning way is wrong. In any other situation besides sex, we'd perceive the actions of the violent sadistic person as disturbing and potentially psychopathic to so greatly enjoy watching the pain of others. And when that's combined with sexual perversion, we seem to recognize it as another level of disgusting...as long as they're a serial killer.That is literally what serial killers do. Seek out others to cause them pain usually for their own sexual pleasure.
"But it's different..." people say. "But it's not like that." But, yeah it is like that. It is. In order for you to believe that it's not, you have to very seriously, negatively compartmentalize your brain. Yes, it's good to know what's appropriate and what is not. Sexual interactions with children is extremely wrong, for instance, so yes, certain types of brain compartmentalizations are extremely important, yes. But that's not what I'm talking about. To say that you have a strong sense of self worth, but that you like to be humiliated and beaten during sex, which is one of the greatest opportunities for a person to bond with another person, isn't consistent. And you would have to seriously fool yourself and compartmentalize your brain to write off that behavior as appropriate and empowering and consistent with a belief about yourself as a human being worthy of affection.
And I think you'd have to lie to yourself even more intensely to believe that it's okay for you to abuse someone and exercise dominating power over them during sexual interactions, but not in any other situation. Because yet again, humans are no less human during sex than when they aren't having sex. To gain pleasure from someone else's pain is horrifying to us in any other situation. We know it's inhumane. And somehow this can be "safe" behavior? People can be allowed to somehow "safely" express their evil urges, but only because it's sexual and...let's not judge because sex is somehow the only area we have no right to have judgments about?
Well, I have judgments. I have strong criticisms. And I still recognize demeaning behavior when I hear of it and I see it. I recognize the humanity of people in ALL scenarios. And I recognize that these sexual perversions, though so heartbreaking in their essence for what they imply about a greater culture, are an ever increasing trend. Because regardless of what people say, our sexuality is so largely influenced by our culture and our upbringing. It's a frustrating thing to hear people say, "Oh it's just who I AM, it's me," When "me" is more complex than being born with DNA. And the culture that has been created for us and influences us, and the aspects of the culture that we later decide to feed, are all stronger forces than we want to think. Because there is strength in a group, and the forces of a group are strong.
What forces are you contributing to?
