You know those articles online with
headings that go something like, “This group of bachelors did an interpretive
rain dance on their trampoline. What happens to their elderly neighbor’s indoor
plastic cactus will astound you…” ? You know what I’m talking about. Last year,
I wrote this blog post as a
joke. I hoped people would click on the title of the new post…and have a good
laugh. But it’s been a year since then. And this obnoxious heading phenomenon
has gotten out of hand. Far too out of hand.
So out of hand that it makes me want to
quit the internet all together. I think marketing just annoys me in general
because it’s manipulation and I hate people trying to manipulate me. Especially
since I grew up with indoor plastic cactuses, because my mom (I love her
dearly) killed the real ones. I know all about plastic cactuses. Ain’t no
stupid online article gonna fool me none 'bout cactuses (please read that with
a southern twang if you will, it would make my boring night interesting). But
the people posting the article know your desperation…they know your struggle of
keeping your plants alive. They know the sad, sad shameful fact that plastic
cactuses even exist, and that fate has written your name in the stars with
them. They know that you’d be tempted to click…dang it NO! I’m not gonna do
it! I’m not reading any more stupid articles.
But you know what I realized I hated
even more than the manipulation? The desperation of the writers, the
publishers, the people in the videos, and many people reaching out for help and
support in this way for whatever reason. All of a sudden, in this age of
technology, it’s become so much easier to publicly express ourselves. Watching
all of this annoys me, frustrates me. Everyone is crying to be heard. Everyone
is crying to be seen. Everyone is crying to make their mark. To be known. To be
famous. To have their problems acknowledged. I see all of this, and it makes me
feel so alone. Does it make you feel that? Maybe it’s just me. People are dying
to be known, and it reminds me that though I don’t use manipulative tactics
stated above, I am one of those people. I am one of many, one of everyone. I am
one. And one voice is only one voice.
When I say that one voice is just one
voice, it immediately feel like someone is going to respond saying, "but
think of the greats! One voice can make a difference! One voice can lead a
revolution that moves mountains." Maybe I’m just having a moment right
now, but I guess I’m tired of hearing inspirational things like that because
there’s a lot of that going around on the internet right now too. Call me a downer
and a life pooper, but these inspirational things feel old to me right now.
I think it’s because, as I said, all I
see are people fighting to be heard. And what I don’t like is
that people have to fight to be heard. People have to be different to
be seen. People have to be novel to be noticed. It’s
interesting because I also feel like our culture is going through a phase where
“the simple things” are supposedly appreciated. You know, like pinterest. It’s
that picture of someone sipping coffee while reading the morning paper. Oh
“it’s the simple things”. As I’m sitting here writing, I’m trying to understand
why I hate that so much. Why am I so grouchy about that? Is it because it’s
unoriginal? Because so many people do that? Because people are posting a
picture of their freaking cup of coffee as if no one has seen a cup of coffee
before? That! It’s that. It’s that people think they’re original when they
aren’t.
I’m gonna be honest, I’m not the type
of person who really enjoys talking about that kind of stuff or thinking about
that kind of stuff…and BOOM! My brain just got it as
I’m typing this now. It’s the fact that when someone asks if I like coffee, I
feel this weird push like if I say no, I have a problem, and no, I don’t like
coffee*, and if I don’t like talking about coffee there’s something wrong with
me. That if I say no, I won’t fit in. And I don’t like that pressure. I feel
like saying that I don’t like coffee makes me not very trendy, and the fact
that I don’t really find “trendiness” interesting enough to pay attention to
very often makes no difference to how I feel when put in that dreaded position
of answering such personal questions as coffee preferences.
Everyone wants to fit in. The issue of coffee is no exception. Let’s face it,
people, drinking coffee has become trendy. I mean, people have been drinking
coffee for a looongggg time, but when has it ever been
glorified to the extent that it is now?
And nope, that last boom wasn’t really
it. So..BOOM! Now I’ve got it. It feels to me
that there is this sort of movement within a movement that is trying to
reconnect with the traditional things in life. Like glorifying your morning
coffee, for example. But there are people who take that even further to the
important topics. Like the girls who try to make themselves look like the
current cultural beauty standard rather than what they naturally look like,
dress trendy, wear caked on trendy make-up, and dye their hair blonde because
it’s still considered more attractive, and then claim that
they don’t need Feminism. How ironic. Feminism is a movement and movements are
meant to create change, to disrupt current tradition, and to be forward moving.
So being a modern girl in every other sense and then going against Feminism is
going to make them “oh so original” within that movement within a movement that
tries to be novel by reclaiming the old, right? Well they’re not original. And
they’re backward moving, not forward thinking. I could start a rant in defense
of Feminism, but that’s not what this article is about. My point is, these
people are being glorified as if they are so original, when in fact, they’re
borrowing from the past in order to gain their attention.
Not that the past shouldn’t be
remembered, not that certain things shouldn’t be kept the same, but it’s just
the fact that people treat it as if it’s something new, as if they’ve started a
new trend, come up with a new idea. Are caffeine addictions going to save the
world? No. Is anti-Feminism going to save the world? Oh frickin’ hell, no!!! We
need to fight for women. There’s a reason Feminism exists. But
I digress again…
When I was actually taking courses at a
university, in one of my Psychology classes, I had to write a ten page research
analysis of a fictional (made up by my professor) person’s personality. One of
the sources I chose was a book called The Art of Loving by
Erich Fromm. Obviously, I was writing a research paper and so I didn’t read the
whole dang book. But a couple of months ago I was at a used bookstore (I love
used bookstores) and I saw the book there. I decided to buy it. I have been
reading pieces of it here and there ever since and obnoxiously quoting it
non-stop on Facebook in multiple paragraph statuses. I probably don’t agree
with everything in it, but I agree with a lot. This is one of the
parts of the book that I likely quoted:
Most people are not even aware of their
need to conform. They live under the illusion that they follow their own ideas
and inclinations, that they are individualists, that they have arrived at their
opinions as the result of their own thinking—and that it just so happens that
their ideas are the same as those of the majority. The consensus of all serves
as a proof for the correctness of “their” ideas. Since there is still a need to
feel some individuality, such need is satisfied with regard to the name plate
of the bank teller, the belonging to the Democratic as against the Republican
party, to the Elks instead of the Shriners…
…or the fact that you like one lump of
sugar instead of two, a latte instead of a mocha, coffee instead of tea, that
you follow a gluten free diet instead of gluten-full one.
All of this defining in the name of
looking original, and really we all look quite similar. Such is the result of a
society that mistakes equality for sameness and lack of attention as worthlessness.
I think Fromm says this quite well:
This increasing
tendency for the elimination of differences is closely related to the concept
and the experience of equality, as it is developing in the most advanced
industrial societies. Equality had meant, in the religious context, that we are
all God’s children, that we all share in the same human-divine substance, that
we are all one. It meant also that the very differences between individuals
must be respected, that while it is true that we are all one, it is also true
that each one of us is a unique entity, is cosmos by itself…In contemporary capitalistic
society the meaning of equality has been transformed. By equality one refers to
the equality of automatons; of men who have lost their individuality. Equality
today means “sameness”, rather than “oneness”…Just as modern mass production requires the standardization of
commodities, so the social press requires standardization of man, and this
standardization is called “equality”.
Basically, there are a lot of people in
America and we want everyone to have equal rights and protection under the
government. Whether everyone currently actually has those or not is a different
issue. But our understanding of what it means to be an individual is so screwed
up. And I guess that’s why those stupid articles make me annoyed. Because I see
a society of people who are dying to be different enough to be noticed, to
stand out…but not too much…and BOOM! But wait, maybe it
isn’t just the fact that people are not willing to be different that bothers
me…I see a culture of certain people trying to gain recognition for their
unique problems that they can’t help. I see a culture of people, like myself,
who get caught up in making sure that everyone knows that my differences
should be accepted, for example, the fact that I decided to stop shaving. I
have a lot of good reasons for it that many do not understand. But here’s the
catch, it makes me feel that I need to fight back even harder to make people
accept it despite my insecurity, or wait, because of it.
Either that or give in and start shaving again.
I think a lot of people are tired of
people fighting for themselves and others in this way. Personally, I think it’s
important for people to stand up for things. But I think what irritates me
about what I and many others do is not the fact that people are starting to act
differently according to who they are. It’s the fact that we don’t really have
the freedom to do so which is why we lash out aggressively and fight so hard
for ourselves. Others still decide to keep hidden and conform. We have many
laws in place that protect us, but no laws can change people’s attitudes toward
us. And despite laws that are meant to allow for individuality to be safe,
there are the unspoken laws of conformity that people must follow if they don’t
want to be alone. To quote Fromm again,
If I am like everybody
else, if I have no feelings or thoughts which make me different, if I conform
in custom, in dress, ideas, to the pattern of the group, I am saved; saved from
the frightening experience of aloneness. The dictatorial systems use threats
and terror to induce this conformity; the democratic countries, suggestion and
propaganda. There is, indeed, one great difference between the two systems. In
the democracies non-conformity is possible and, in fact, by no means entirely
absent; in the totalitarian systems, only a few unusual heroes and martyrs can
be expected to refuse obedience. But in spite of this difference the democratic
societies show an overwhelming degree of conformity…One can only understand the
power of the herd, if one understands the depths of the need not to be
separated…people want to conform to a much higher degree than they are forced
to conform, at least in the Western democracies.
People want more than anything to not
be alone. And because this is a need, laws are not enough, because laws do not
control the hearts of people. What people truly want is connection. In our
culture, to be an individual means to be set apart, alone. Yet in an
individualistic culture where being an individual is also glorified, to not be
an individual means to be alone. It’s quite confusing, really. In this system,
I feel like truly “winning” in life is next to impossible.
I want people to stop just being kind
to “their kind”. What happens is people form different groups and say, but this
is us, and that is you. There is an expectation that you will choose a group.
But what about the true rebels? What about the ones who know they don’t fit a
group completely and know that nobody does? What about the ones, like myself,
who find it hard to even recognize groups sometimes? For example, labeling what
type of genre a musical group belongs to. Recognizing the “type” of person that
my clothes might tell people I am according to their understanding of
stereotypes.
So many people say “stop stereotyping”,
stop being biased. One might even argue that it’s trendy to do so. But I think
that’s what I don’t like. People say they believe in that because it’s
a trend. Not because they believe it in their heart. I guess I want people to
start figuring out what is important. Looking to the principles rather than
rules meant to uphold the principles. I see all these people trying be the
"right thing", and be that thing better than anyone
else. Instead, you and I should be who we are individually, and do what we know
is right because it is right, and not because it will gain us recognition, but
because self-improvement and character and personal responsibility are what
matter most.
If there must be a uniting factor that
connects us to others, let it be character qualities like kindness, grace,
love, compassion, honesty, patience, etc. When you post that photo of that
coffee cup, and everyone else does it too, you are not the one becoming famous.
Nobody is. Coffee is famous. What if sacrificial love were as popular as
coffee? What if love was that famous, and truly that trendy? What if the
principles underlying the true beauty of the world were famous? What if we made
those the necessary factors we need for connection, rather than making sure our
physical appearances, occupations, etcetera are going to make us “likable” and
“not alone”.
As President Eisenhower put it, “A people that
values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.” I think if we were
to make valuable principles our priority on a personal level intrinsically,
everything else would fall into place. I think people would feel more connected
and understood and noticed much more often.
Let’s make love popular.
*As is the case for raw vegetables
which I don’t usually like, sometimes I see someone drinking coffee, and I need
that coffee. Like there must be vitamins in it that my body is missing. Are
there vitamins in coffee? That being said, this is a very rare occurrence. So
rare, that it was almost worth not mentioning.
