Happy Birthday: A Letter from My 16-Year-Old Self

"From Jessica at age 16 to Jessica at age 26"

It’s my birthday. I’m 26 now, I guess. And I finally opened a letter that I happened to find a couple of days ago while cleaning out some stuff in my bedroom. It was a letter addressed to myself at age 26 from myself at age 16. I had been waiting to open this. I was a little nervous about how it might affect me as I was sure my life had not panned out as my 16-year-old self had hoped. But my 16-year-old self seems to have had a good sense of humor, or at least tried to appear like she did. I mean, yeah, about half of it was about a boy I was insanely in-love with at the time…ugh. But the rest was a pleasant surprise. Some of it a real hug from my past self, much less judgmental than I had expected. Here are a few pieces I felt I'd share.

           

"August 20, 2018...I got the idea to write this note from possibly my favorite series of books: the Emily Series by Lucy Maud Montgomery. This is a letter from me at age 16 to me at age 26, and is not to be opened until then. Hopefully I live to be that old and I remember that I actually wrote this!"

Yeah…you are really obsessed with those books…not bad classics…but I fear they brought you a little too out of touch with reality for your love-starved soul. But perhaps I should really reread them before I make that a firm opinion. You definitely lived to be that old. And you only remembered because you were going through some crap in your room. But, hey, it worked out and you opened it at the right time.

"Just incase you wanted to know, about 10 years ago, you sat on your bed in your bedroom in [my town] and wrote this note with hairs on your legs about 4 mm long (yes, you even took the time to measure), wearing red basketball shorts, a black Creation Fest t-shirt, and a ponytail, while listening to your 4 gb ipod nano (you're probably thinking that those are way outdated!)"

Just in case you wanted to know, 10 years later, you sat on a different bed (yes, a bigger one) in that same bedroom, in the same place, and wrote this note with hairs on your legs about 29 mm long (yes, you even took the time to measure), wearing a blue hippy-like 3-quarter sleeve top, and hippy-like bellbottom leggings, and a ponytail, not listening to anything at the moment. 

And just a few things:

1. Leggings are a big thing now. People wear them a lot…but not like the ones I have. They don’t wear bellbottom ones. They wear skinny jeans…and leggings…as pants…yes, pants. You all probably hadn’t even reached the point of skinny jean popularity yet. You may not know what skinny jeans are. You were outraged along with many other people during your last year of high school about all this when the rebels started wearing leggings. 

2. You don’t shave your legs anymore now. Or your armpits. At all. The rebels we are. It’s wonderful.

3. You rebelliously used that 4gb ipod nano for many, many years, longer than was cool, because you use things until they die. And boy did that nano finally die. You woke up one morning smelling something that was a combination of what smelled like skunk, burnt rubber, burning hair, and who knows what else. It was your nano charging in your ipod speaker. It’s a gonner now. May it RIP. You listen to music on your cellphone now. It’s called a smartphone. It has a touch screen. And internet. And lots of things. Yes, you have an actual cellphone. Congrats…it’s a hand-me-down.

"If you're married, what's it like? To me right now, it seems sweet, yet scary at the same time. I could never imagine myself with kids, but do you have any? What's it like to be grown up with lots of responsibility? It terrifies me to even think of it! As of now, I don't know what I want to do once I graduate from Highschool in two years. 26 seems so old! Is Dusty still alive or has he gone to doggie heaven, leaving his body under one of our trees as furtilizer? (Not that I really believe in "doggie heaven.")"

1. You’re still not married now, and you don’t know what it’s like. To you right now, it seems impossible, and scary, and even scarier to date someone. You still can’t imagine yourself with kids, and no, you don’t have any.

2.  Being grown up still terrifies you now. You’re not exactly fully independent, and you’re not meeting people’s expectations. The pressure is real. You still don’t know what you want to do now, but you graduated high school. Congrats! You’re now one class away from an Associate of Arts degree that you decided to finish after taking a break from college for 5 years. You’ve been procrastinating on that last class for the past few months. And would you believe it? You took calculus…by choice…it didn’t even apply to the AA. I know you don’t believe it. 

3. You still think 26 seems old. And you found a few grey hairs despite the fact that most people think you still look like a teenager.

4. Well, don’t you just have a morbid sense of humor. Fertilizer? Heartless. Just like Lucky the Cat, though, right? And yes, Dusty went to doggie heaven years ago. He is still in my heart. There is no puppy like him. My heart is a little sad as I tell you the news.

            

"And now! My biggest questions: Are you married to [insert name of crush]."

No. I'm not.

           

"Were you so blessed as to win his love? Or did it not work out, and you perhaps found someone else you thought special too?"

Oh girl, you were smitten. You rejected him 10 years later. Yes, believe it or not, you rejected him. And no, you did not find someone else.

"If you're single...kiss a teddybear or something, and hang in there! You'll meet your man someday...hopefully...just remember that you wouldn't ever kiss anyone unless you were at least engaged, right? Remember that promise? Hopefully you've kept it!"

1. I don’t remember you being so funny. You are snarky. You still don’t own a teddy bear. Perhaps I’ll buy one now. I’ll try and hang in there. But the truth is, you eventually woke up to the fact that most people in the world are not as innocent as you are, my sweet Jessica. You really are sweet. I don’t think you ever knew that. I might not ever meet my man. And I’m learning to be okay with that. And I have no idea how to ever tell if I “met my man”. I don’t know who to trust, and I don’t even know 100% who and/or what I want.

2. You had higher expectations than any 16-year-old I have ever met. Don’t be too disappointed when I tell you that I broke that promise. You’d gasp if I told you who I kissed. You wouldn’t believe it. You’d be horrified. It was gross, by the way. So it was probably good I didn’t wait until I married him, even though I didn’t marry him.

"Do you miss age 16? I doubt you do! Yours truly,"

You’re right I don’t. You went through some hard things. And you made me feel a little less terrible about being 26 somehow, even though it’s rough in many ways now too. I love you, Jessica. Some hugs and love from the future.

Yours so Sincerely and Understandingly, 

Jessica