Forever a Tortoise

Very recently, I finished the last day of my first job--housekeeping at a camp. Three months of mind-numbing routine, and gagging over putrid toilets. Not what I’d like to choose for a living, but my hat is off to those who can do it! During my employment at the camp, in addition to the fact that the very physical work and constant movement were quite tiring, there were many days when our lack of staff required us to work very quickly and efficiently. As my fellow workers soon discovered, “quick” is not my middle name. Nor “efficient”. But I did an excellent job! Though I learned to work quicker, it wasn’t something that I could just learn, and getting lost in some sort of mental reverie, I would forget that I would have to work fast. In fact, moving faster was such an effort all the time, it was probably the worst part of the job.

What always amazed me when I worked was that everyone else seemed to be capable of moving so much faster all the time. It was like everyone else’s default speed of movement was ten times faster than mine. It was incredible! As all things do, this unfortunate phenomenon caused me to ponder and analyze my existence and place in this world. Was there something wrong with me?

Being told I am slow is nothing new. I’ve been told that my whole life. As a kid, I used to take half an hour to go pee as I’d spend that length of time singing on the toilet. I hesitate to confess that I sometimes still take that long to pee, but I don’t sing on the toilet anymore. Instead, some might call it my “thinking throne”. Maybe I should take to singing again. I also would take hour-long showers on a regular basis, and at school I’d take so long eating my lunch that I’d completely miss recess. It takes me forever to start a project and even longer to finish it. Even in college, I was always the last person finishing a test without fail. Etcetra, etcetra, etcetra. The point is, I’m kind of a slowpoke.

In analyzing this recently, I realized that this is something that I beat myself up over a lot, probably because it is something that I get teased or criticized about a lot. In this modern time-obsessed society, taking your time to do something or get somewhere is not often recognized as positive in any respect. We want results now, and anyone who takes too long to give us those results is our enemy, at least in the present moment. It’s almost as if impatience has somehow become a virtue. People tend to live life like it’s some sort of race to see who can do the most things in their short life, as if "living it up" and doing things (physical things) is all that counts in life, and quantity somehow counts more than quality. I see a lot of people always moving, but what are they moving towards? Is what they’re doing even worth it?

In contrast to many people I see around me, for the past while, I personally have felt like I haven’t been moving anywhere. I watch my peers around me graduating college or nearing that time. A lot of them are in romantic relationships and reaching the “getting serious” stage, and some are engaged or married. They either work or volunteer or travel or immerse themselves in some sort of hobby or all of the above or do whatever else they are individually inclined to do. Heck, some just have fun because they can. Whatever it is that they’re doing, the point is that they’re moving. Somehow, everyone else in the world just seems to do things. For whatever reason, actually getting off of my butt to do things, even fun things, is incredibly hard for me. To be honest, it often doesn’t even occur to me that I could be doing something. I’m just too busy analyzing life to live it. I’m forever an observer or an alien, and forget to take part.

All of this reminds me of the story of “The Tortoise and the Hare”. I would consider myself to be a tortoise in most respects, and from my own personal experience, there seem to be a heck of a lot of hares in this part of the world. Now, I do have my moments of spastic “haredom”, but as a general rule, I’d consider myself a tortoise. Funny enough, though, I sure am not winning the race. Within the past three and a half years since graduating from high school, I’ve become a college drop-out and only got my first job a few months ago. Can anyone say “bum”? And honestly, I do next to nothing with my life. With the exception of the past few months, during the hours when I was actually working, the following has been my life: Think. Play Tetris. Think. Scroll through my newsfeed on Facebook. Think. Read occasionally. Think. Write occasionally. Think. Draw occasionally. Think. Then think some more. Basically, I do a lot of thinking. In my opinion, the fact that I think a lot is a good thing. The thinking itself is not a waste of time, but when I do nothing else and don’t actively seek out information, what the heck do I have to think about except the same things over and over again? And that’s what I do. I sit and think about the same stuff over, and over, and over again, and instead of living my life interacting with people, I imagine that I’m interacting with people in my mind. Any hares that might be reading this are probably about ready to shoot yourselves at the thought (no pun intended).  

So what am I doing wrong compared to the tortoise in the story? Well mainly, he didn’t allow himself to be intimidated. He trudged along confidently at his own pace. Regardless of speed, he was always in motion, always moving forward. He had a goal, and nothing was going to stop him! When I look at my own strengths, I definitely have the endurance and determination of a tortoise. And when I do something, I do it well! I’m just lacking some goals and the courage to begin. I need to stop comparing myself, because let’s face it, I’m a slowpoke. You know what, though, I think the world could use a few people like me. It's time to stop hiding in my shell!