13 Reasons Why I Love Being Single

I was feeling really restless and trying to calm myself by doing a 2,000 piece puzzle and eating mints. I was feeling totally trapped for absolutely no reason and getting upset like there was no way I was EVER going to be able to get married and have kids because I would always be trapped. Somehow, the puzzle calmed me down, though you'd think it would make me even more frustrated. Rather than solving my concerns, it occurred to me instead that I didn't have to worry, I could just be totally glad that I was free right now! HUZZAH! So I, for once, made a list of all the reasons why I love being single. Unfortunately, there weren't a lot. Kinda hard to come up with stuff when I've never been anything BUT single and don't have any other experience to compare it with. So I had to use my imagination. But these are the important, probably unoriginal, 13 reasons I came up with:

1. My free time is actually my free time.
2. Alone time and space.
3. I can fart in my bed and no one complains.
4. My room is a mess when I feel like crap and no one complains.
5. I have no worries about conceiving children who will scream in my ear any time soon.
6. I can stay up as late as I want and not annoy my non-existent husband.
7. I can cry myself to sleep when I’m sad for no good reason without keeping my non-existent husband awake.
8. I have ALL the covers to myself.
9. I can crank up the heater in my bedroom until it feels like a sauna and my non-existent husband doesn’t sweat it.
10. I can spontaneously wake up and journal, watch a movie, or read in bed in the middle of the night without bothering anyone.
11. I can have close guy friends and not worry about it being too weird with my husband.
12. I can write love letters to my unknown future husband that will make him barf.
13. I can write hate letters to my unknown future husband for not showing up sooner.